I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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