ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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