I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
