hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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