butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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