You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
