Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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