I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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