It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
