look no pants
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
