Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
