Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize