What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
