please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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