bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
