When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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