So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I checked into jail on foursquare
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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