So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
