I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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