it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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