He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
