I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Two words: blizzard sex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
