Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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