At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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