Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
