i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
