proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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