Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
