I just cut my nipple shaving
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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