I'm lost and stupid without you.
look no pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
