I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave