Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.