paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.