I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.