I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
