no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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