I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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