Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
