I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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