I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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