This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There r osticjed everywhere
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
