Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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