I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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