You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
