I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
