So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wear drunk well.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
