I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
