420 ftw
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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