I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
