I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
