I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
