Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
