dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
