Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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