Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
