i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
