He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
