It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
