Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
