lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
