We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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