I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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