Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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