A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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