Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
