Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
