We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
