I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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