I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
