His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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