Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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