I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we made out on top of his cat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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