It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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