You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
